A New Year. A New Lesson

Once upon a time I was wealthy. My father, a savvy investor, took very good care of his three children. From very little he made "very lot", not only for us but for my mother, his sister and his own parents. I don't have much left to show for it. Writing this sentence is very difficult for me, as it brings forth the ways in which I have failed to be a good steward of this gift I was given. It also unleashes the pain of never asking for help when I needed it, of failing to recognize how deeply sad I was, of trusting no one and of creating the reputation that I'm financially irresponsible. I will never recover the money but I hope I will recover my ability to not feel like a failure at times.

How does this relate to my wine store? Well, it directly relates to not having the means to feed my baby, who is a bit hungry right now. Three months ago when we opened I did so with exactly the amount I needed to fill the shelves somewhat, pay my contractor, buy some fixtures and satisfy my landlord's security requirements. I had no reserves. The store was born a 12 pounder and it gobbled up everything in sight. I think Jeff and I were both shocked at the pace at which our baby moved and some days it was all we could do to keep up. Clearly, there is another lesson here but that's for another blog. 

This business is unlike others I've been in because of the sheer precision at which you have to price your inventory and move it. Unlike fashion, with large margins, this one demands constant supervision and tweaking in order to maintain your gross profit. Volume is key and as a new business, chasing back long defected customers, there is no room for lack of funds nor lack of focus. If I still had my own money I wouldn't be worried about the one sentence that puts fear in all retailer's hearts, "Don't get posted." This is akin to saying, "Don't forget to lock your doors at night," because all it takes is one late payment and your feelings of violation will be severe. And you're also pretty certain the bad guy is hiding under your bed (with the Bogey Man) waiting to jump out and scare you again.

So, as I begin 2011, I'm feeling the lessons of my life weighing on me. I love this store and I love this business. I believe we're more than on the right path to success. But how do I find the means to pull myself to the next level when I've made my financial bed? It's amazing how powerless I feel without the safety of money in the bank to carry me through the lean moments. I have much to be grateful for, especially my father's unwavering belief in me despite reasons for him to feel cautious. I strive to reclaim my feeling of financial independence and adult-ness on those darker days when what I want is to suck my thumb and hide under the covers. I will get there gradually but right now what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep and a visit from a very flush Tooth Fairy.