Get Me To The Church On Time

This isn't going to be my first marriage. I'm no Liz Taylor but I never expected to marry a second time. Well, that's not exactly truthful. I never expected to marry a man 13 years younger, who plays guitar, writes and sings his own music, rides a Harley, only weighs 35 lbs. more than I do, grows/shaves/regrows a beard as if it's a fashion accessory, and who proudly announces to our waiter that's he's the "mayor" of their restaurant while he "checks in" via Foursquare. Nope. I thought I was marrying The Old One.

In the last 16 months everything I ever thought about getting married (again) has changed. Jeff gives new meaning to the word "life" because his thirst for it is contagious and unquenchable. He delights in every nuance, responds with passion, and has an awe inspiring way of attracting what he wants because he's without guile or malice. Although I know he's been affected by some of the circumstances he's weathered, there remains an unflagging belief in goodness. When he swept into my life in October of 2009 he did so with absolute trust. I marvel at that ability! He helped me wipe the tape clean of "shoulds and shouldn'ts" and replaced it with "let's go!"

With that joy has come the decision to reject the norm and have a wedding ceremony that reflects us. We're funny together, goofier in private, and want to do something that we'll remember long after the last rose petal is swept away. So? We're going to elope. To Vegas. Yes, we're embracing the cliche with total abandon. Elvis Chapel? Why not? Wedding dress? Definitely NOT! Church? Chicken dance? Nope, nope. Laughter? Absolutely! And just the two of us. Oh yeah, and those two beauties I birthed almost a quarter century ago, in their matching J. Crew bridesmaids dresses. I've never been so excited in my life. Can I wear jeans? 

So, how does this tie into our wine store? This blog is supposed to be at least partially about the wine business, isn't it? In a nutshell, if I hadn't allowed myself to be open to someone so innately curious and willing to be my partner, I'd never have been able to get this store opened. I'd been on the fence for well over 3 years about whether I wanted to be a store owner, a wine bar owner, a sommelier, or back in the fashion biz. Meeting Jeff gave me the impetus to shed some long standing beliefs and get going. He taught me that a partner is about more than just business.

In that sense, SG&G is a reflection of our two personalities, much the same way our wedding day will be. It's thoughtful and fun, serious yet goofy, and in our opinion, not like everyone else. The store captures the essence of how seriously we feel about wine yet also how much we try to bring the "fun" to selling. The shelves reflect the dichotomy of our two personalities as well as the proof that we are partners in every way. To me, then, it makes perfect sense that we take our vows in Vegas, proving how passionately we feel about getting married and also how we plan to spend the rest of our lives having fun together. Only question is whether we should let the young Elvis marry us or the older version? I do love a man in a jumpsuit.

(I apologize in advance to those reading of our elopement on this blog. There will be a big party when we return. We promise.)

Pour. Taste. Drink.

Sunday Sales

Sunday Sales in Connecticut. This topic has been covered to death by many of my fellow retailers. I've been quoted anonymously, interviewed publicly, and debated with everyone who asks me my opinion. Recently I was asked if I would put together a list of talking points, using the CT Liquor Control regulations, that could hopefully open up more dialogue in support of changing the laws comprehensively. Sunday sales, in my opinion, are but one small facet of what this state needs to improve retail package store sales for everyone.


As I've been reading the various opinions put out there by my friends and colleagues I'm sensitive to their feelings. I think it's human nature to build a platform and stand on it, dismissing "change" without ever trying to adapt or test it out. What if? There's an aspect to Sunday sales that requires a leap of faith as well as a fearless attitude. Scheduling changes, potential new hires, less time spent with family, no designated day off..... clearly this latest proposal cuts a swath directly down the middle between large stores and small. However, I've yet to really be convinced that allowing us to all be open 7 days a week will truly kill the "little guy's" business. It's a potential pain in the ass, yes, but is it a death sentence for the Mom & Pops? There's no way to predict. 


I'm wondering, if there was a more comprehensive and thoughtful revamping of the laws in their entirety, maybe being open on Sunday wouldn't feel like such a burden? The entire section 30-6-B21a regarding "tastings" could use some expansion and a kick into the 21st century. While it's perfectly acceptable to do business with charitable organizations off-premise, provided you apply for a permit to do so 10 days prior to the event, why couldn't the same rules apply on-premise? Jeff and I have been asked almost every day since we've opened if we can rent out our space for a) private parties, b) wine classes to be held by us, c) charitable fundraisers, and even recently, Spin Odyssey. The looks of dismay on people's faces when we say we aren't allowed to do these things makes any explanation sound hollow. If Liquor Control was to employ a similar application formula, package stores could host parties on premise, or rent out the premises, or hold classes. The revenues that would be generated from the liquor sales would be a tremendous boost to our state and our business.


The same can be said for the serving of food. I don't want to be a restaurant but I'd love to be able to serve a little nibble, for free, to the patrons of our store. Many of us do weekly wine tastings that bring together friends and customers. It would be advantageous to put out a little bread and cheese to compliment the wines as well as generate dialogue. More dialogue plus more tasting plus food/wine pairing equals greater sales and more revenue for the state. Again, this seems simple to me. Customers aren't as concerned with shopping on Sunday as they are in engaging with their neighborhood stores and building relationships. We all want to learn, socialize/gather, if even for a minute, in order to connect with each other. There's no possible way that the retailers are the only ones who get this idea, yet it feels that way when you examine the Band-Aid the state wants to use to deal with their own deficits.


Lastly, can we please lower the cost of registering a label in Connecticut? We can't get our hands on a tremendous amount of incredible wine because the prohibitive cost of doing business here gives New York State the advantage. As far as I'm concerned, people go to New York on Sunday, in part, to buy the wines that we can't get here. Take the train to NYC any given Sunday and weep at what our distributors sell there. Rosenthal. Skurnik. Winebow. Martin Scott. With some time investment and a look at the big picture I'm sure our state legislators can come up with a more tightly focused, forward thinking amendment to the current liquor regulations.


In the meantime, I think we all continue to try and think as much outside the box as we can. This not an eloquent blog nor am I saying anything that hasn't been said before. I suppose I'm feeling like I've dumbed it all down too much. But, I've been writing this for 5 hours and I still come back to the same thing, wine selling today is different than it was years ago. If the rest of the world is growing and modernizing then so should we. There are some creative, interesting and financially rewarding ways to reinvent this wheel. Let's work together to make it happen. 


Cheers. 

Surrendering Control- A Love Story.

I'm fairly certain that the term "surrendering control" is somehow the world's worst oxymoron. How does one surrender control when you're never in control in the first place? It's an illusion. It doesn't exist! I only know this now, yet for years I spent hours in a therapist's office trying to strike a balance, or is that a bargain? Perhaps I can just surrender partial control? Maybe it can be like a diet? I eat nothing all week and then splurge on the weekends? This all made my therapist a boatload of money but he didn't ever have the decency to tell me I couldn't actually achieve this "goal."


Yesterday, I finally surrendered control. I did. I surrendered, as in threw my hands up in the air and said, "enough," and I gave my control to someone else. Actually, what I really did was ALLOW someone else, Jeff, to have a chance to participate. That's probably the true meaning of surrendering control. I allowed someone else in my life to help me. I allowed someone else in my life to join in as a member of the team. I realized that the only thing I can control are the choices I make to quit doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. I also recognized that the padded room wasn't going to hold all my furniture (and the six cats). I also don't want to live there by myself


As I've written before, Jeff and I have been working through the growing pains of opening this business together. I give Jhim tremendous credit. He's been a good sport, watching me "control" everything and knowing that this also meant a lack of trust on some level. I can't speak for him, but if "control" has personal meaning to me it means simply, I don't think you can do it as well as I can and I don't trust you enough to find out. 


Therefore, I don't think there are appropriate enough words in the English language to describe how I felt yesterday. I was standing in my office, OUR office, and it was this one split second of clarity where I thought to myself, What am I doing? My fiance is sitting at my desk, trying to balance the bank account, and I'm in a cold sweat that this means he wants to take over, he wants to take control! He wants to take away my job! He thinks I'm out of control! I'm not kidding. All of these thoughts were flying through my head because Jeff wanted one thing, to be included. To participate. To be my partner. To be trusted. At that moment I knew it was surrender or face losing everything.


So, I did. I'd like to say that this wonderful feeling of calm came over me. I'd love to sum this up in that mostly irritating way authors do when you read one of their self help books. I had an epiphany and I'm healed! You too can find peace if you follow these five easy steps. Just send $9.99 in a self-addressed stamped envelope and your enlightenment should arrive in 7-10 business days. Operators are standing by should you need immediate assistance. 


In truth, I'm feeling a little agitated. However, for the first time in my life I'm letting someone into my whole life, and there's a sense of excitement attached to that as well. I admit, I do hover over Jeff when he's at my desk, and ask what he's doing each time he opens the drawer to write a check, look for an invoice or enter something in Quickbooks. Actually, hover isn't quite accurate. It's a bit more like crowding and the questions definitely have a "tone of voice" to go along with their seeming innocence. However, my intentions are genuine and Jeff is worth it. Honey, just please don't give control back now that I've surrendered it to you. I've waved the white flag for the last time.


Love, Mimi. 

A New Year. A New Lesson

Once upon a time I was wealthy. My father, a savvy investor, took very good care of his three children. From very little he made "very lot", not only for us but for my mother, his sister and his own parents. I don't have much left to show for it. Writing this sentence is very difficult for me, as it brings forth the ways in which I have failed to be a good steward of this gift I was given. It also unleashes the pain of never asking for help when I needed it, of failing to recognize how deeply sad I was, of trusting no one and of creating the reputation that I'm financially irresponsible. I will never recover the money but I hope I will recover my ability to not feel like a failure at times.

How does this relate to my wine store? Well, it directly relates to not having the means to feed my baby, who is a bit hungry right now. Three months ago when we opened I did so with exactly the amount I needed to fill the shelves somewhat, pay my contractor, buy some fixtures and satisfy my landlord's security requirements. I had no reserves. The store was born a 12 pounder and it gobbled up everything in sight. I think Jeff and I were both shocked at the pace at which our baby moved and some days it was all we could do to keep up. Clearly, there is another lesson here but that's for another blog. 

This business is unlike others I've been in because of the sheer precision at which you have to price your inventory and move it. Unlike fashion, with large margins, this one demands constant supervision and tweaking in order to maintain your gross profit. Volume is key and as a new business, chasing back long defected customers, there is no room for lack of funds nor lack of focus. If I still had my own money I wouldn't be worried about the one sentence that puts fear in all retailer's hearts, "Don't get posted." This is akin to saying, "Don't forget to lock your doors at night," because all it takes is one late payment and your feelings of violation will be severe. And you're also pretty certain the bad guy is hiding under your bed (with the Bogey Man) waiting to jump out and scare you again.

So, as I begin 2011, I'm feeling the lessons of my life weighing on me. I love this store and I love this business. I believe we're more than on the right path to success. But how do I find the means to pull myself to the next level when I've made my financial bed? It's amazing how powerless I feel without the safety of money in the bank to carry me through the lean moments. I have much to be grateful for, especially my father's unwavering belief in me despite reasons for him to feel cautious. I strive to reclaim my feeling of financial independence and adult-ness on those darker days when what I want is to suck my thumb and hide under the covers. I will get there gradually but right now what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep and a visit from a very flush Tooth Fairy.